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So i manage at long last, to get a couple of hours off for lunch, and, because i can't leave my desk unattended, i get the janitor in and have him sit in my chair. i tell him that all he has to do is make sure the receiver doesn't accidentally get put back on the hook. he agrees and i'm off. first stop, the bank. i change a note into coins and then ask to see a balance of my account. then i yank the power lead out of the teller's vdu. it dies. i say i'm in a hurry and is the manager around? he rolls over like a man-sized twinkie and asks what the problem is. i say that all i want is a balance of my accounts. i cross my fingers. yes! he finds the vdu lead out, plugs it in, and logs in, to the manager's account. now's my chance - i slip up against the counter, slopping 200 coins across the counter. the manager ignores it, but all the tellers dive for the money. i watch, unobserved, as the manager types in his password at the breakneck speed of one character a minute. at that rate i should've got 0 worth. he finishes typing. "money". what a toughy! well, that's my mortgage taken care of tonight. a user that i recognise from "d eletion ; -day '89" approaches. i think he's going to talk to me!! even the bank manager is shaking his head furiously. but it's too late, he stops. "um, excuse me, could you tell me what is the best computer to buy to do my thesis on?" ?! right. "you've heard of commodore 64's?" i ask "yes?." "avoid them like the plague! not many people know this, but computers aren't made to handle that much memory it's over 64, 000 things, more in some cases. it's a recipe for disaster!" "oh!" "try something safe and proven. a zx81 with dual cassette drive if you can get it. the 1k ram model. write that down. don't buy a disk drive - you know how they're always failing, but music cassettes last forever!" "hey thanks!" "no worries. what was your username again?" he tells me. just in time for d-day 92. you'd think they'd learn. i get back to work and the janitor's asleep at the terminal. i ask him if he wants to work here too, but he likes the ability to bust in on people when they're in the toilet. i put the phone back on the hook, and straight away it rings. i hate it when it does that, it takes me ages to get my walkman phones in. it's the hottest hosemonster i've ever met, and she's got a computer problem! i love it when that happens! "what's your username?" i ask she tells me as if didn't know ; quick as i can i read all her e-mail mostly boring stuff ; , then grep everyone else's mail files for her username. 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If two high hands tie, the player closest to the dealers left acts first.

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